(Remember the song, Japan – love in Tokyo!?)
This has been a hell of a year! Being an unprecedented one, I tried to make the most of it. The first half of the year – I called myself an extrovert. I thought to myself, “I am unhappy, stuck and need to meet people because I am an extrovert”.
Second half, I tried experimenting with the other end, called myself an introvert and said, “I am happy because I don’t have to meet people anymore”.
But I knew that deep inside me, I had been missing something; throughout the year. There was a strange void. I couldn’t go home, didn’t want to risk the travel, get stuck somewhere or carry the virus to mom. Calls to friends, family and others helped for a while, just like cooking and gardening did. I tried adopting a fitness routine – well, that helped to make me fit and fab! But no, the void was still intact.
My next experiment, to adopt a pet – ummm, didn’t really pan out because I don’t think I was ready to take care of another living being. My plants took away a lot of my time anyway! So, I spoke to some close friends, and like all best friends do, they gave me an absolutely b******t idea : dating apps! Lo and behold, I did my grand entry!
I got very clean honest pieces of advice: “do not talk to creeps”, “do not share numbers”, and “remember not everyone is intelligent, do not judge”.
I tried, I swear to God. I made every earnest attempt, not to judge and to be nice, warm and comforting. I was clear, I am looking for good conversations and that was all. Already in a pandemic struck year, I knew that we weren’t meeting, so ya, I felt safe from the pain and possible ‘dangers’ of meeting strangers.
In the meanwhile, and as always, life had other plans. Sigh! Okay, moving on… I figured a few important things in life:
Judge people, it’s okay
Run, when you can
See a rabbit hole? Run in the opposite direction!
In hindsight, some of the opening lines were actually funny. Here are some of my favorite ones:
“Naice smile, chat please.. Chat fast life is short”
“Hai.. i only like saposexual”
“I like your eyes (I had my sunglasses on), can we be friends?”
“I am work alcoholoic, chilled, this moment we get, i like woman with substance”
“Do you gim? I do gim daily”
“I am IIM, let’s video”
“I can kill with my eyes, are you ready”
After the second day on the app, I decided to close the account and adopt Chunni, our society cat. She was far more sensible and reasonable. She wasn’t needy, didn’t look for external validation and was supremely confident. [I am not at all a cat person, but this seemed to be a much better plan!]
That’s when I asked around. “Was I the only one doing this nonsense, or did I have company?” Well, to be honest, I must say that my friends were a little more daring than I was. One friend decided to meet one of her dates. From Powai, she went all the way to Colaba to meet this gentleman who, so far, appeared to be holding interesting conversations. Instead of carrying on said conversations, she came back with a stiff back!
Why? Well the guy had projected himself to be a younger fellow on the app, but in reality he was, let me say, kind enough to let go of all his teeth! He was an old guy who forgot his dentures at home!! (Or maybe he didn’t have any.) And she had to sit stiff and maintain distance so that he doesn’t spit on her while talking!
That’s not all, another close friend, a self proclaimed saviour of mankind, found a lot of interesting women, all of them had a sob story on their profiles. After talking to the 16th lady, he discovered that the sob stories were exactly the same – and possibly it was all a big – fat scam! Well, I am almost done complaining. But why did I write this post?
Looks like this pandemic has been tough on everyone. Especially the ones who are single/ staying alone or are going through tough journeys. No one really knows the real story. But if you are someone bored and looking for someone to talk to – find your tribe, people you know so that you don’t end up wasting your time. Pick a new hobby, change a habit. Anything but these stupid apps.
Otherwise you’ll soon turn into a judgmental prick!
Author : Anakshi Dev Choudhury
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